Looking Back...

I've just spent the last hour or so reading over my past posts. I chose to look at October 2005 posts and also what I was doing one year ago. After reading a few entries, I thought "Wow, to be young and foolish." That was 2 years ago, not 20 years, but really, I feel like I've changed so much. Maybe I haven't, but I still think that girl 2 years ago is an idiot. Hindsight is 20/20, right?

In my post on September 27, 2006, I wrote about my future self in September 2007. I felt good things were in store for me and that I'd be in a happy place around this time. Now that was a damn smart girl 1 year ago - she was certainly right! I am developing a new position within my division at work and traveling along a new career path, one that will take me places. I have said goodbye to so many boys and men that I let trail along with me for so long... and then one day, I put my foot down and said "Enough!" It was the day I met the man of my dreams - seriously. I am truly in love and it really makes the world feel like a hopeful, happy place.

But as I read more and more posts, this feeling of hope that comes with a new relationship is a familiar reoccurance in my life. That's when I get a little anxious and concerned about the bursting of my bubble. What makes this different from any of the others? Why do I continue to delude myself into believing I have found love? What is wrong with me?

Then I glance over at my caller ID as my phone rings, and I see him calling me, and my heart beats a little faster, and the ends of my mouth curl upward, and I stifle a nervous giggle as I say 'Hello?' to the man I see in my future for a very, very long time.