The Naming Game

When I go see Justin Timberlake in January, I’ll go to the Jobing.Com Arena, formerly known as Glendale Arena. They had to change the name, not only for business and advertising sake, but heaven forbid a venue be simply named after the city in which it is located.

If I want to see the Cardinals lose a game or two, I’ll head on over to the University of Phoenix Stadium, ironically named after a university when the Cardinals just fought their way out of ASU’s Sun Devil Stadium, where they had been playing for years. Do you feel better now, Cardinals Organization? You’ll agree to anything for the right price, regardless the impression it makes, right?

Oh, and let’s not forget about Dodge Theater, U.S. Airways Center, or the Alltel Ice Den. The only venues that seem to stick to some level of naming integrity are the Mesa Amphitheatre and the Orpheum Theatre. Either I know exactly where it is located (MESA! An actual city!) or it’s fun to say and sounds interesting (Orpheum. What exactly is Orpheum? Plural of the Greek god Orpheus? Sure, why not.).

I’m embarrassed enough to be an Arizonan living with these god-awful arena and theater names. But it gets even worse in California – Staples Center, Honda Center, Save Mart Center, iPayOne Center, Qualcomm Stadium, or Petco Park. Am I going to see an event or am I shopping? I’m confused.

What if the Spearmint Rhino Gentleman’s Club was the highest bidder in the naming of a venue? “Yes, we are going to see the Nutcracker at the Spearmint Rhino Theatre. No, no… it’s the PG version.”

I just have to complain a moment, because we are bombarded with advertising at every turn of our head, click of the mouse, and tuning of the radio. Can’t we just go in peace to a ballgame or the ballet without being a walking billboard for a cellular company or a car manufacturer when we tell people where we are going for the evening? Maybe I’m just annoyed because I think listeners should be excited or appalled when I say I am going to SEE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, not be confused or miffed when they ask where he is performing and I have to say “Jobing.Com Arena.”

Now, I’ll get off my soapbox. I have to go wash my face with this cleanser that is going to leave my face clean, clear, and resembling the suppleness of a ten-year-old girl, then enjoy a cup of hot tea that promises to boost my metabolism while fulfilling every nutritional need. I will sit back, relax, and remind myself how I will not be influenced by advertising, then switch on the T.V. and cry at a Hallmark commercial while thinking I need to get my mom the greatest present in the world this Christmas or I am horrible daughter.