Mental Preparation

Sorry about my delay in posting fun pictures from the URT (Ultimate Road Trip) but I've had a hard time setting aside time to upload the pictures to my home computer.... blah blah blah. This is boring shit.

I got a text message from Plan C. the other day. I'm not sure if I mentioned our last interaction or not. It's so pathetically unmentionable that I probably didn't bother to include the details. He pretty much blew me off when he was here visiting for the weekend at the beginning of August. Then he shipped out to Oklahoma for more army training and then he'll head overseas. Or outerspace. I'll probably never see him again. Who cares.

Unfortunately, I do, because when I got the text message from him a week ago, my heart skipped a beat. The last text message came from him a couple days after he left in August saying "Sorry I didn't call you the last few days I was there. Hopefully we can stay in touch." My response: my address plus these words "Please send my book." You see, he borrowed my favorite book and has yet to return it. My first thought was "Oh well, I'll just go buy a new one." Which was immediately followed by "Why should I have to fork out the cash to go buy a new book when he is perfectly capable of mailing mine?" My favorite book is faded and creased with love and the pages are perfectly worn. I've highlighted all my favorite lines and dog-eared my favorite pages. It's irreplaceable. But I digress....

The latest text message from Plan C. said this: "Hey, is there any bad blood between us because I'm coming to visit in November and I want to see you. I promise to bring your book!" Well what in the heck am I suppose to say to that? Ignore it? Have a wittingly snappish reply? I chose to be sweet. "No bad blood. It will be good to see you."

I can see the fucked-up stormcloud of his visit already.

I see a tree-lined path with the sun shining brightly and a gentle breeze beckoning me to walk down the peaceful road that could be my future. And where am I turning? Down the dark path with "Danger" and "Turn Back NOW" signs posted on each side, lightning bolts striking down, threatening my very life, and wind whipping about as if to pick me up and cast me down into the seventh circle of hell.

I'm doing everything in my mental power to prepare myself for this weekend. Now listen up Brain and Emotions, you won't get much attention, and you'll probably end up feeling really used because all he'll want is a ride from the airport, or better yet, a romp in the hay. Just get your book and RUN. RUN for your life and don't look back. You have a tendency to go weak for this man because he's handsome and fun to be with and he has a way of making you feel beautiful and desired. Don't fall into the trap! Close yourself off! Build up that brick wall! You are so unavailable you're pathetic!

I think I'm ready for the Dark Side.