Guide to Misery

How to Make Yourself Miserable (in case you needed a few pointers):

1) When you meet a perfectly nice man who is good looking and responsible (not to mention an excellent kisser), and also shows respect for you, go out on a few dates with him and then decide that you just don't like him for some reason that you can't put your finger on.

2) Admire a man from a distance and wonder if he is also admiring you. Do not approach him because you may discover he does not share the same attraction for you as you have for him. Or even worse, he might like you and you could start dating, but you must first convince yourself that if you start dating someone new, you'll just go through the same cycle you have with other men, so what's the point?

3) Perpetually wonder why a particular man is not interested in you like he once was and contemplate ways to exemplify your distaste for this man, because he is obviously sick in the head for not wanting to be with you. (For added misery, re-run all the sweet things he ever said to you in your mind and remember that all said "sweet nothings" really were meaningless.)

4) If a man has proven to you, in more ways than one, that he thinks of you as often as one wishes to be boiled alive, return ALL his phone calls and text messages and show up at his doorstep immediately whenever he requests your presence.

Hope these are helpful to you. Oh, and please sign my petition below:

Petition for the Installment of an Electrical Fence around Florida to Keep All Current Residents and Visitors Within Borders Permanently