Right on Cue

You know those moments where, at the time, you have no clue what to say or the words just don't come out right? And about 2 hours later you think "Dammit! I should have said..... "

Well, I had the exact opposite kind of moment. I was able to say everything I wanted to say. And in a pretty tactful way, I might add. I'm very proud of myself.

I was leaving the HCD's house and said "HCD" (well, not really HCD, I said his name, although that would have been pretty funny and definitely called for). Anyway, it went like this:

Me: "HCD, I'm leaving. I mean for good. I'm saying goodbye to you."
Him: silence
Me: "Even with your warnings, I fooled myself into believing that whatever we have right now could develop into some sort of relationship, that we have something special, and that you truly care about me."
Him: silence
Me: "But you don't even want to spend New Years with me. I think you are a jackass for inviting me snowboarding and then uninviting me."
Him: silence
Me: "So I am going to Mexico with someone who has insisted on spending time with me and looks forward to seeing me."
Him: silence
Me: "Good luck with everything. Take care. "

And as I walked out the door, I squeaked out a "Happy New Year." I was able to hide any signs of emotional breakdown until I was in my car. Five minutes later, I had a text message from him. "I do care about you. Be safe and have a good time. Maybe I can explain myself sometime. I'm sorry you're hurt."

For some reason, that makes it much easier for me to walk away. I don't want an explanation, HCD. I want your heart. Something you're not willing to give.